George Osborne chose to invoke the Trainspotting (or was that James Callaghan?) in his speech today. I’m sure some cleverer people than me are producing audio PF Project/George Osborne mashups as we speak, but here’s my written “alternative” list of Conservative choices (adapting the actual song lyrics):
Choose a zero-hours contract job.
Choose a 6 month apprenticeship paying £2.68 an hour.
Choose a family (one man and one woman united in marriage obviously),
Choose a f**king big payday loan
Choose washing machines, cars,
mp3 players, and electrical bread makers.
Choose good health, low cholesterol
and private medical insurance.
Choose help-to-buy 95% mortgage repayments.
Choose a poorly built starter home (on a brownfield site).
Choose your friends.
Choose lounge wear and matching luggage.
Choose a three piece suite from Brighthouse
in a range of f**king fabrics.
Choose DIY and wondering who you
are on a Monday morning (with your curtains closed).
Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing
spirit-crushing Jeremy Kyle shows
Stuffing f**king junk food into your mouth (we will sanction you).
Choose rotting away at the end of it all,
pishing you last in a miserable home
Nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish,
You have spawned to increase your entitlement to benefits.
Choose your 19th Century past. Choose the Conservatives.
I was right about the mashup. Here’s the man himself: