Choose a f**king big payday loan

George Osborne chose to invoke the Trainspotting (or was that James Callaghan?) in his speech today. I’m sure some cleverer people than me are producing audio PF Project/George Osborne mashups as we speak, but here’s my written “alternative” list of Conservative choices (adapting the actual song lyrics):

Choose life.
Choose a zero-hours contract job.
Choose a 6 month apprenticeship paying £2.68 an hour.
Choose a family (one man and one woman united in marriage obviously),
Choose a f**king big payday loan
Choose washing machines, cars,
mp3 players, and electrical bread makers.
Choose good health, low cholesterol
and private medical insurance.
Choose help-to-buy 95% mortgage repayments.
Choose a poorly built starter home (on a brownfield site).
Choose your friends.
Choose lounge wear and matching luggage.
Choose a three piece suite from Brighthouse
in a range of f**king fabrics.
Choose DIY and wondering who you
are on a Monday morning (with your curtains closed).
Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing
spirit-crushing Jeremy Kyle shows
Stuffing f**king junk food into your mouth (we will sanction you).
Choose rotting away at the end of it all,
pishing you last in a miserable home
Nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish,
f**ked-up brats
You have spawned to increase your entitlement to benefits.
Choose your 19th Century past. Choose the Conservatives.

UPDATE

I was right about the mashup. Here’s the man himself:

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5 thoughts on “Choose a f**king big payday loan

  1. Reblogged this on Still Oaks and commented:
    Choose Tory’s.
    Choose unemployment.
    Choose penury.
    Choose homelessness.
    Choose living in the dark.
    Choose heating or eating, choose a privatised NHS and private
    medical insurance.
    Choose rickets, malnutrition and foodbanks.
    Choose out of control private rents.
    Choose dumpster diving.
    Choose begging from strangers.
    Choose second hand clothes and a matching yellow star.
    Choose emergency accommodation,
    in a range of f**king moulds.
    Choose sanctions and wondering if you want to carry on living on a Sunday morning.
    Choose sitting on that couch watching your last candle flicker out and eating your last cream cracker and cup a soup.
    Choose dying at the end of it all, in that second bedroom the Tory’s said you had to pay extra for.
    Nothing more than an embarrassment, to the selfish f**ked-up brats,
    that elected themselves to control, rule and ruin your life.
    Choose your future. Choose Tory.
    I chose not to choose Tory, I chose something else…..

  2. I choose to fight!
    I will not be put down by these toffee nosed little ersewipes.
    I am better than them.
    I have worked hard.
    I saved hard for the rainy day.
    I have seen the rainy days.
    I have lost the money.
    I have struggled.
    I have lived a life far, far better than a tory snob.
    I breathe the same air as them and I annoy the hell out of them.
    I will not give in.
    I have never given in.
    I fight for the poor, the disabled, the long term sick, the jobless, the sanctioned etc.
    I won’t give up my fight.
    I will carry on living.
    No tory will ever make me give up.
    I am me.

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