Month: March 2015

Parties’ key messages Monday 23rd March

Tories – This has been the Tories’ lead attack angle for weeks. I am alone in not giving a solitary shit about this?:

Labour  – Another day leading on the NHS. Still no sign of a policy on anything:

Lib Dems – Never gets old…:

UKIP – This sounds nice, but the underlying message seems clear to me. How about you?:

Greens – Look Labour, here is a party stating a specific policy:

SNP – Still riding high in the polls:

Plaid Cymru – Everyone now specifically campaigning for a hung parliament. No one wants to grab this by the balls:

Class War – I became aware of this party today. They currently have one candidate. He is bidding to ‘smash the establishment’ (in Croydon South):

Messages parties don’t want you to hear Sunday 22nd March

Thought I’d do something slightly different today, and round up some of the recent stories the parties would probably prefer you didn’t hear about.

Tories – “Like a plotline from House of Cards” is quite an apt way to describe this:

Also, another day, another embarrassing story about Grant Shapps:

Labour – After the farce over candidate selection in Bradford West, Labour proves it was no one off. This time – Halifax:

Lib Dems – Another donor scandal for the ‘anti-establishment’ Lib Dems:

UKIP – Where to start? This is the best (worst) recent story:

Greens – Oh dear:

SNP – Another so-called ‘cybernat’ does the SNP no favours:

Plaid Cymru – I could find no dirt

Has the PM been taking tips from his Party Chairman?

David Cameron was in Brussels the other day for a meeting of EU leaders. He was quoted as saying this:

“When I first came here as prime minister five years ago, Britain and Greece were virtually in the same boat, we had similar sized budget deficits. The reason we are in a different position is we took long-term difficult decisions and we had all of the hard work and effort of the British people. I am determined we do not go backwards.”

As whoppers go, this is Shapps-esque. If only Greece had had a #longtermeconomicplan, all would be rosy now. The sun would be starting to shine once more. To say this is ‘misleading’, doesn’t really begin to cover it. Greece is a member of the Eurozone. We are not. When the crisis hit Greece, its options were much more limited than ours, and ot was forced into accepting a bailout. The conditions attached to this bailout included austerity several orders of magnitude greater than we have seen here. The on Greece’s economy are quite nicely subsidised in this infographic (found here):

Troika

So for Cameron to claim the difference between the two countries today is the ‘tough decisions’ taken by his Government is kind of insulting to both the Greek people and to the intelligence of all of us.

The real reason why the UK is in a lot better shape is firstly because we are not in the Euro and as a consequence of this did not need to go down the fiscal austerity road. Greece did go down that road in a big way, and the results are plain to see. It’s maybe to Cameron’s credit that the Government eased off on the cuts after 2012 (while still needlessly clobbering to poorest), but to admit that would be to admit everything they’ve said in the past five years has been a lie.

Parties’ key messages Saturday 21st March

Tories – Know your base (not sure how many of them are on Twitter though):

Labour – We’ve paid for this bus and we’re damn well going to get our money’s worth:

Lib Dems – Thank god for the Lib Dems in government:

UKIP – Don’t you know how important we are?:

Greens – The Greens though? Quite pleased:

SNP – The Lib Dems are polling 4% in Scotland. Let’s kick them while they’re down:

Parties’ key messages Friday 20th March

Tories – I for one will never tire of this phrase…:

Labour – Does this poster make sense? That’s a break in the x-ray, not a cut right? Or am I over-analysing:

Lib Dems – Works for the Lib Dems though, so what do I know?:

UKIP – Strangely quiet today. Has something happened? This from UKIP’s youth wing is the best I could find:

Greens – Who is your Green candidate, and where is @andyblatch64?

SNP – Still looking bad for Labour in Scotland:

Plaid Cymru – Nothing grabs me today

NHA Party – Standing some candidates. Here’s their campaign launch video:

Parties’ key messages Thursday 19th March

Tories – By my maths, this change is worth less than £10 a year to most people. Worth shouting about?:

Labour – Labour’s Twitter account doesn’t really do policy, but this might be one (albeit very unspecific):

Lib Dems – This is fun. Danny and his big yellow box. Doesn’t he look important?:

UKIP – The party for working people?:

Greens – Does this count as a defection?:

SNP – Still trying to get rid of UKIP’s idiot Scottish MEP

Plaid Cymru – Let’s get Wales working:

Mebyon Kernow – The Lib Dems have been promising all sorts for Cornwall recently. Is this why?:

2015 Budget Bullshit

I might be a bit jaded at the moment, but I don’t have anything interesting or insightful to say about today’s Budget, so instead I’d though I’d just make some snarky comments instead.

I hate the language of politicians. They dumb down, make false equivalencies, and use slogans that just don’t make any sense. George Osborne (or whoever writes his speeches) is no exception. Here are some bullshit phrases he used today that particularly annoyed me.

1. “Today, I report on a Britain that is growing, creating jobs and paying its way.”

Line one. Bad start. “Paying its way” doesn’t really mean anything in the context of a nation state does it?

2. “Britain is walking tall again.”

I’ve already seen this line parroted by assorted Tories several times. Please stop.

3. “Today we make that critical choice: we choose the future.”

Obviously been watching Trainspotting again. I suppose he thinks Labour would say “We chose not to choose the future; we chose something else.” He goes a mental for the next few lines doing the full PF Project track.

4. “Real Household Disposable Income per capita.”

Osborne wants to say that living standards are higher than they were 5 years ago. You would bloody well hope so, but the only way he can say this is to define living standards using the tortuous formulation above.

5. “We will also use this opportunity to lock in the historically low interest rates for the long term.

I can tell the House that we will increase the number of long-dated gilts that we sell.”

Maybe someone smarter than me can tell me why this is a good idea. If you can borrow short term at real rates close to zero, why would you borrow at higher rates over a longer period?

6. “Lower inflation means lower interest charges on government gilts.”

This sounds like bullshit. Perhaps someone could confirm?

7. “We’d be spending money we didn’t really have.”

The UK government never “doesn’t have money”. What is he talking about?

8. “The hard work and sacrifice of the British people has paid off.”

Well done British people!

9. “The sun is starting to shine – and we are fixing the roof.”

My old favourite, an analogy that has no relevance here.

10. “So the OBR report today that debt as a share of GDP falls from 80.4% in 2014-15; to 80.2% in the year 2015-16.”

I’d like to see the sums on this one. I reckon there’s some serious creative accounting going on (not that it matters in the slightest).

That’s only half the speech covered. I could go one, but I’ve kind of lost the will. There was a load of stuff about “rewarding savers”, which is generally a terrible idea for capitalist economies which rely on spending not saving, particularly when the government plans to continue to tighten it’s belt. We can’t all do so at the same time! Any way, a lot to hate in Osborne’s speech. 50 more days or so and it will all be over.

Parties’ key messages Wednesday 18th March – Budget Special

Tories – People say politicians can be somewhat robotic. Not me:

https://twitter.com/pritipatelmp/status/578190527369216000

Labour – Someone in Labour’s social media team has been working overtime:

Lib Dems – Is there something in the Budget you like? We did it:

UKIP – Nicking one of Labour’s worst attack lines:

Greens – George Osborne definitely stole this idea off Lucas:

SNP – Look at why we are doing so much better than Labour:

Plaid Cymru – Can Plaid capitalise on some of the same feelings?:

Parties’ key messages Tuesday 17th March

Tories – Is there anything David Cameron likes more that pratting around in a hard hat and high-vis jacket?:

Labour – Twitter uses, remember 1992? What’s that, you were in primary school/weren’t born yet? Well here’s a graphic based on a 20 year old Tory attack ad:

Lib Dems – Biggest increase in the minimum wage for 7 years (a whopping 20p an hour):

UKIP – Shame it’s too late for Mother’s Day. A snip at £9.99:

Greens – Someone nice has joined the Greens:

SNP – Nothing worth sharing

Plaid Cymru – An actual policy! Praise the lord!:

BNP – Yes, they are still a thing. Plus ca change:

Parties’ key messages Monday 16th March

Tories – The party of (very) small business (and Michael Green):

Labour  – Lies and the lying liars who tell them (would be a good name for a book that):

Lib Dems – Five rather more specific pledges than Labour put out at the weekend:

UKIP – Get the bunting out, UKIP are officially a ‘major party’:

Greens – But boo, because the Greens aren’t:

SNP – We want all Labour’s Scottish seats, but we also want to share power with them in Westminster:

Plaid Cymru – Some touching solidarity between Plaid and the SNP:

Yorkshire First – I’m sure David Cameron would be in favour: